Bloodsisters: Skeeter’s Speech
I have been searching for limit experiences, ways of being that fuel a passion and a submission and a clarity of scene. I recently watched the phenomenal 1995 documentary Bloodsistsers: Leather, Dykes & Sadomasochism, and in between the beautiful portraits of queer dykes fucking and hurting one another, between the needleplay and the statements of identity, Skeeter’s speech on knife-play has stuck with me. I wanted to transcribe this in full so that I can come back to it whenever I need to know that these limit experiences exist. You can watch Bloodsisters for just £2.87 here (and you absolutely should).
As a major trigger warning, this speech includes a discussion of heavy knife-play, and considers the ethics of holding someone’s life in your hands, including a meditation of death and taking life.
And I remember one night, and it’ll always stay with me, we had been playing for quite a while and I had her tied up, and I- I just had a knife, I had the point of knife trailing across her throat and was trailing down her body and was just playing with the knife. And it was like we were in a dream because we were both so high and so gone on the energy that we were sharing. And nothing else existed, nothing else in the world but us two. And the whole time we kept eye contact, and you lose yourself in it, there’s no sense of tomorrow, no sense of anything that has been or gone or would be. It’s just that moment with someone. And she just had this look in her eye. And I remember trailing the knife up her chest up to her throat. And I just held the point at her throat and she was just pushing onto it slowly. I wasn’t moving but I just held it there and um, she just looked at me, she looked right up into my eyes and she said just do it. And at that moment, she was- she was offering me her life. That was- was what it was. She was completely serious about offering me her life. That was the ultimate of where we were going. It was- she could give me her life, and I could take it as a gift. Then we had reached the climax of where we were going on our journey together. And it was a strange moment because I’ve always considered myself completely sane, and I feel like if I ever get to a point where I’m insane or crazy doing S/M I would stop because that becomes very dangerous. And it was- everything disappeared in that moment, and it would have been so easy to just do it. It would have been so easy to take the gift and take her life. And I don’t know what stopped me, I think I had to bring in images of the court case and the murder and the getting rid of the body and the being in prison for the rest of my life, and- and her not being there anymore, missing her desperately, and not wanting her to go away from me, not being ready to let her go. And, I let all that in, in a flash and was like whew, pulled the knife away. And- but that moment was enough, the moment that she had just looked at me and had- had given me that gift. It didn’t really need to go any further. And um-. It was really interesting because I don’t know if I hadn’t let all those images in, if I would have just slipped that knife right through her throat. And I think that’s been the ultimate moment in my S/M life
